Friday, February 22, 2013
The Start of a Perilous Journey
I have never been more confused, frustrated or upset in my life. I don't know what acting is anymore. All it took was one day, not even, simply minutes, to completely turn my world upside down. I'm almost afraid to act now. I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong. I feel like each decision I make is like a leap of faith, except without me actually having any faith. After so many years of acting and coming to the conclusion it was wrong, I don't know what to think. I feel as if I'm lost in a foreign country without a map. It's a really frightening feeling. I have a lot more to learn than I thought I did. I did not realize how far behind I was. I feel like I'm taking my first steps all over again. Now, I feel like a really horrible actor. I assume that now I have to start over and hope for the best.
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Relax, first of all, even though that is perhaps impossible advice right now.
ReplyDeleteThere is acting, there is performing, and while they are sometimes the same thing often they aren't. They can feel like the same thing, but often they aren't. You are and will always be an excellent performer, and for your current task at hand - Biggley -there is nothing else you have to be to achieve the excellence needed. In a musical, or in certain comedies, it is more about a sense of performance. Honestly, in a musical or in a comedy you shouldn't been feeling things deeply if at all, because that will screw up your timing on jokes, your pitch on notes, etc. You don't "get into character" in a musical the same way you do in a drama or on film. You wear the character lightly in a musical. Really, in a musical or a comedy you should be feeling exactly this: joy and fun. Musicals require actors to have a lot of fun on stage. If you aren't having fun in a musical that is a sure sign that something is very wrong.
Now, today, though, we started working on true drama, and it is an entirely different game, and we're approaching it from a sense of film acting, which is different yet again. This is very under the microscope type acting, very very different than what you are used to. Yes, it will be a brave new world and a perilous journey.
So, you started today, and actually made a really good advance. It is fine and good that you are frustrated and angry and upset - those are all real emotions you are feeling. Now, think carefully, and realize you've NEVER felt those emotions before in any acting/performing situation. Now realize that the actors who work in drama and film DO feel those emotions for real on stage or on film. In a musical one DEMONSTRATES emotions for the audience, but in a drama, one really feels things and the audience happens to see it. It is important to understand the difference.
The fact that you managed to feel actually really confused and angry and frustrated and then you got your lines out was a breakthrough. I know it felt awful to you. But honestly, how would Stark have felt in that situation? His wife just shot down his dreams. Wouldn't he feel awful, just like you did? Now, that MY BEHAVIOR got you upset and confused rather than the script is fiddle faddle. How could the script get you upset anyway - have you an interest in dental equipment? You, Andrew, want a new dental office. No. It's nonsense. It's just a bunch of words. You can't believe them right off the page of the script. No one can. It is impossible. You've been told you have to believe the words, feel the words, but you've been told that by people who probably can't feel the words either and are passing along the lie they've been taught as well.
I call it "The Romantic Notion." That one can become someone else on stage. That one can "live the words." It simply cannot happen, and if you think about it, you will see the truth of it. And once you see the truth of it you'll feel a tremendous weight off of you. And you should feel good. Most people get through college before the truth of the matter shows itself. You're only in 10th grade! Actually WAY ahead of the game in one short day.
Now, you wrote, "All it took was one day, not even, simply minutes, to completely turn my world upside down."
How did your world turn upside down? What was it before, and what did it become.
This is the most important work you've yet done in STAC, starting today - THE MOST IMPORTANT WORK for you started today.