Today in STAC, we did some acting. I really enjoyed the part
where we walked around and changed our emotions based on what we heard. The next
part, “felt more like public humiliation” as Danny Magaldi mentioned in his
blog. I felt completely out of place, publicly humiliated, and just a complete disgrace to acting itself. In my eight years of acting, I never felt like I didn’t know anything. Today was totally
different. I felt like it was my first day of acting! It was so strange. I’m
really not used to that. I knew I had a lot to learn before, but now I have
EVEN more to learn. Back to square one I guess. Well, I’m willing to relearn
everything because I love acting and everything along with it. I would go into detail
on what “everything” is but I don’t know whether it’s right or wrong anymore. I
guess you could say I’m in the largest state of mass confusion I’ve ever been
in. I guess I have plenty of time to find out what I need to learn and to how
to learn it.
where we walked around and changed our emotions based on what we heard. The next
part, “felt more like public humiliation” as Danny Magaldi mentioned in his
blog. I felt completely out of place, publicly humiliated, and just a complete disgrace to acting itself. In my eight years of acting, I never felt like I didn’t know anything. Today was totally
different. I felt like it was my first day of acting! It was so strange. I’m
really not used to that. I knew I had a lot to learn before, but now I have
EVEN more to learn. Back to square one I guess. Well, I’m willing to relearn
everything because I love acting and everything along with it. I would go into detail
on what “everything” is but I don’t know whether it’s right or wrong anymore. I
guess you could say I’m in the largest state of mass confusion I’ve ever been
in. I guess I have plenty of time to find out what I need to learn and to how
to learn it.
You know Andrew, I was expecting an interesting blog post from you on this.
ReplyDeleteFor many of us who have aspired to be artists since childhood, there's a point where our interest in art change. At first, we thought it was a fun activity. Once you get older though, you realize how much more it means.
Art is a way of tacking heavy subjects. It's a way to express how you feel in a way that others will understand. Art communicates. Art questions. Art helps us accept ourselves.
You're beginning to understand the deeper meanings of art and maturing as an actor. At first, it is pretty unsettling, because it's unfamiliar ground. In the end though, these things you're learning will make you a better actor and a better person.
This is gonna be a life changing year for you. The first year of STAC always is.
My dear dear young friend,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry you felt humiliated. That wasn't the point at all. Actually, I thought you did just fine. Really, I think this.
I would say you've been performing for 8 years, and you have been on the outskirts of what real acting is, and today, to again borrow a thought from Danny, you got pushed in the pool, and it is a shocking experience.
Now, ponder this, dear friend: you felt awful up there, humiliated, etc. But, and this is REALLY important, you actually, truly felt real, strong, emotions on stage. Have you ever done that before? Probably not.
Now, you might argue, "but I'm not feeling the right emotions." THere are many ways to respond to that:
1) Exactly, what emotions are we suppose to feel when stealing a hat?
2) Why can't you feel humiliated stealing a hat? It doesn't strike me as being all that uplifting an activity, you know? Wouldn't stealing something make you feel like a big dick, to some extent?
3) Look, you're feeling something. Let's worry about WHAT we are feeling later. For now, let's celebrate actually FEELING something.
You, Andrew, are a very smart kid. When I was "the general" yelling at you, and looking into your eyes, I was thinking, "Man, this is a smart kid. I can see it. His insides are older than his outsides." Consistently in class, you express an intelligence and maturity that are the reasons you are in STAC in the first place.
Now, today, one acting class flipped your world over. How excellent is that? If you knew everything, what would we be doing in class? You'd be all done. What could I show you?
Now, you are in a place of confusion, lots of questions. Good. You've been a full cup, and today you, and a bunch of other kids, got dumped out. Now we can put NEW things in the cup. That is my job - to help you fill up your cup. And then dump you out again and help you fill up again. That is life. That is learning. That is the way things are.
I do not want you feeling bad about today. It was a hard day, but you took a great big step. When you blinked, then stumbled back a few inches, with your hands in your pockets - in that moment, you were getting yelled at, and you felt it. You were imaginary soldier, I was imaginary general, the line between who you were and who you were playing thinned and became porous. Reality and make-believe got jumbled. What was our definition of acting? Acting is behaving truthfully in imaginary circumstances. Isn't that exactly what you did?
I would say that was the first adult professional acting you've done, the sort of acting that they expect to see in colleges. So, you've taken a BIG BIG step. Remember to, that I said acting is all about catching yourself off guard. That is what happened today.
Excellent work, Andrew.
Please ask any questions you may have.
Remember that you have been invited into STAC because you are completely worthy of the position seat you now occupy in the class. Expect that acting and many things in class will be at times tough, at times painful. But do not doubt the rightness of you, of where you are, of what you are doing.
I'm glad you are in STAC, and it was a pleasure teaching you today.
Warm regards,
Luke